Gary: The Introvert

Author’s note: This was supposed to go live sometime at the end of 2018. But ya know, life gets in the way, like always. Needless to say, I am sorry I’ve been MIA on these but the good news is there’s a fresh crop of stories!

Towards the end of last year, I took some time to put myself back on the market via Hinge, Bumble, and Match. None of that Tinder bullshit this time. I didn’t need the tsuris.

I honestly tried my best to get out there, to meet a ton of people. I had one week where I literally had five dates over five days with five different guys.

Nothing panned out. It figures.

But I was able to glean a few observations that I hope you will enjoy reading about.

Firstly, I’m not positive, but I’m fairly certain, that I’m some sort of troll. Or the men of Orange County, Los Angeles County, and even San Diego County are allergic to me. Or perhaps they’ve learned about this blog and are afraid to be the next story?

I don’t think that I’m carrying a sign on my back that says “do not interact in public with this woman,” but who knows at this point.


Secondly, I came to this depressing discovery.

After getting over my then-boyfriend’s ghosting of me in July 2017, I’ve not made it past a second date.

Seven guys who I’ve shared more than a first date with over those 17 months and change. No more than two dates with any of them.

Two dates.



So, clearly it’s not going well. But that doesn’t mean that this intrepid writer gives up. No! She keeps trying to meet new people with minimal expectations as to how it’s going to go.


Again, not well.

But fortunately, I have this space where I can share some of my observations of the weird, awkward, or even ridiculous that I have found over the last month and change while compiling my research a la Jane Goodale amongst the apes.

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For our first foray back into my dating life, I give you...

Gary, the introvert

Yes, his name was Gary.


Yes, I went out for a beer with him. Probably shouldn’t have, but hindsight is always 20-20, right?

Gary and I crossed paths due to my being in Palm Springs on a mini vacation whilst funemployed for two weeks. He seemed polite, and had a nice sense of humor. There couldn’t be any harm in meeting up for a beer, especially since I was in the city alone waiting for family to arrive.

His Bumble profile seemed normal, there was even a picture in a tuxedo!

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Turns out Gary moved to Palm Desert 6 months prior, after spending the last 3 years in Washington, D.C. I can’t say that I blame him, wanting to get out of there. But I digress.

So Gary and I make a plan to meet up at a dive bar for a beer and see what happens. I park my car, and read the requisite text that I’ve gotten from him, telling me where in the establishment he’s located. At the bar, in the far corner.


Thanks, dude. That helps a lot. Maybe give me a shirt color to go along with your vague instructions? Because as I walked into that bar, there were approximately four different far corners of the bar for me to choose from.

Eventually, a tall guy stands up and waves at me and I see it’s Gary. Now, the good news was, Gary was actually well-represented by his profile pictures. The bad news? Gary’s personality was not well-represented by his profile.


Gary asks me what I’d like to drink, I request a beer, and we take the conversation outside to the patio because the shitty country band that’s playing has not checked their microphone to speaker ratios and I can barely hear the sarcastic comments in my own brain.

I spent an hour on the patio with Gary, and here’s what I learned:

  • He is the fourth of SEVEN kids

  • He quit work as an engineer to go to law school

  • When he finished law school, he took a job working for the U.S. Patent Office

  • Through the Patent Office, after three years, he was given the opportunity to move wherever in the US he wanted, and work remotely

  • He has a dog

  • Because he works from home, I was his first interpersonal interaction of the week

That last one scared me, to be honest. Someone who willingly moved away from their office and personal interactions to live in the high desert of Southern California and not interact with people.


I never officially discerned whether or not he hates people, after all he was using Bumble to at least connect with others in the area. But I wasn’t 100% sure that was not the case.

As a final example of how Gary & I were not, in fact, compatible, I give you this. In the hour and change that we were together, I was asked two questions. The first was what would I like to drink, and the second was “Do you want another beer?”

Literally, did not ask me a single personal question. If Gary hadn’t confirmed that I was his first interpersonal interaction of the week, the utter lack of interest in me and my life would have been the first glaring clue to me. This guy needed to work on his people skills, and the working from home thing was not helping him.


Needless to say, after our hour was up, I turned down that second beer and went on my merry way. And did not hear from Gary again.

I wasn’t bummed about this.